I was just putting Panu to sleep and as usual holding his bottle of milk. He took it from to hold it himself, even though he was sleepy! I tried to take it back from him telling him “go to sleep baba, mamma will hold your bottle, you’re sleepy na.” The next moment it was taken from me, eyes still closing but hand still holding the bottle with a semi tight grip. He slowly goes into a almost sleep state, bottle slowing falling to his chest, I take it into my hands, and then again mister takes it back, woken up from his semi sleep, as if telling me “mamma, let me do my own things”….. He’s sleeping now with a little help from his learning mamma at the end…
Mamma needs to learn when to let indepenence and dependence co exist in harmony…..
A sunday morning ‘family’ breakfast…. where we are almost the child and or little panu is the parent!
- Reverse parenting
Short drives ‘early’ in the night…..helps us be together: only the three of us and catch up. It helps that sometimes he also dozes off ;p
- Us and our drives
Off to the pool (though we know that’s going to happen next after a long long time)
Or rides on bungy – maybe just circling the complex only
- The bikers!
Our maybe some quite precious time…
And some really innovative ideas… primarily from panu
our gataways are small ways of just being with each other. There is still not enough of them around…. but that’s the fun, so that the getaways keep happening – both BIG and small………
Love our time together, no matter where, what and how.
Right during my preganancy, I would more fear what kind of a mama I would be. Will I be able to unconditionally love my child? Will I be able to manage the physical aspects of carrying a baby and giving birth? Will I be able to do all to make my baby comfortable… but most of all I would question or fear – Will my baby know that I am his/her mama? To mummy and Hanu, the last one would be a no brainer and they would just say… of course, you are the mummy! But for someone who hasn’t been one before this one was the biggest question left to be answered…
I’ll have to admit that only when Panu came into my arms did I fully understand what had happened, that he had ultimately arrived. Until then, I was busy managing work, a difficult pregnancy, and generally our life. Only when he came did I begin to comprehend what had happened. Our little bundle had arrived and I was faced with all those difficult questions – some for which answers came easy and for some which I still have questions around and probably might never fully be able to answer them. But one question I am so sure about i.e. will my baby know that I am his mummy? He knows…….. and it’s in the most special things he does from me and only me from the time he’s been in my tummy to know, where he let’s me know that for now I am the most special person and the centre of his world…
- When I was pregnant with him and in my umpteenth meeting, he would get all excited and move around almost ‘frantically’ in reaction to sounds. The only thing that would calm him and in turn me was me keeping my hand on my tummy and periodically pat him
- I would be the only one who could pacify him when in pain after a vaccination or the after effects of it (How I hate those!)
- He would sleep on my chest and no one else’s. How I miss those days… [for a brief time though and then Hanu got the honours which was the cutest ever]
- It’s only my ‘dant’ which has him show his lower lip and cry was if there is no tomorrow and then it’s only me who can pacify him.
- Its only me for now who can give him a hair cut (with alot of help from Youtube and Hanu)
- Noadays its only me who can put him to sleep after much singing and kajoling for the night (I so wish someone else gets this priviledge as well. Maybe not, given I am bound to get jealous!)
- And today, when after 1 year or so, he again fell slept on my chest the same way he would when he was 6 months old.
In my arms..
I got the honours first...
And then he got the honours too 🙂
his first pic after his first haircut by us
…………….I know he know’s that I’m his mama 🙂 It comes out so clearly in these small wonderful moments. With each passing day there is a special way where my boy keeps reassuring me that that one most important question is answered and I don’t really need to worry about it in any which way. Thank you, my Panu… love you.
Have you ever seen someone watch an action movie with sub titles…. It requires perfect coordination between reading, comprehending, moving your eye balls from the bottom of the screen to the mid/on the screen… phew! All to ensure that one gets thier share of action crazy movies while not making a single sound so that the precious Panu is not disturbed…. Best so far – Rocky V on mute with Hanu almost jumping and boxing…. in silence!
Shhh… its nini time and the TV is again on Mute. Goodnight