It’s been a very long time… let’s re-begin!

I have missed writing. I am not certain why I haven’t for such a long time, but it really doesn’t matter because so much has happened, such wonderful things that I have so much to write. It’s just a matter of getting to it. We’ll do it in phases…

The most significant is that my lil Panna has started talking! Yes, he has started repeating every single thing along with understanding how to apply the smallest of things! It has been probably the most amazing time ever since a very long time. It was as if he has stored all of this inside him and it is just bursting to come out and wow! it has… He says all animals with beautiful pronunciation, sings sare gama pa… and at times finishes what we started, counts from 1 to 10… I mean it has been the most change in him ever…ever! Phew.. so much has also happened on other things.. here they are which I just want to note and will elaborate on in times to come 🙂 (Super excited!)

1. I have learnt how to drive 🙂 Yes, my wish of whisking away when Panna grows up on long drives with just the both of us WILL happen. Also, with my darling Hanu…

2. We moved into a new home and somehow it feels right. I have used the time effectively to decorate and make the house a home where there are nooks and corners for everything. Its still taking shape but I have applied all that I have and wanted to for a long long time, at last! Of course with a lot of help from Ma, Hanu and Simple… my support system always

3. Panu has some what settled in school 🙂 Yes, he still cries but the teacher tells me that it’s for a short time only and then he plays, observes and learns… beautiful!

4. I gave an interview and some things have taken a backseat happily… more on this latter

5. We have Skype working and being used to reduce distances

6. Families are coming closer! 🙂

7. I am 30 yrs old

8. We completed a decade of being a couple… still very much in lowe!

9. We travelled like hell and grew up as a family on the way. The travelling has most importantly agreed with the small one and he loves it.

10. Still waiting for a maid 😦 My only sad face for now…

11. Loving every moment of just being!

Phew when I look back, yes a lot has happened but all so well and naturally. I didn’t realise how good life was, is…

Letting go…

It’s probably the biggest step we have taken with respect to Panu till now – he started pre school today! It’s the first time our lil boy was left in the company of strangers, fending for himself, being himself, doing his thing and us letting go…. sitting close enough, yet slowly but surely letting him go…well only a bit. It’s strange to let your lil boy out in the world (yes I am exagerating!)  but that’s how it felt today – I felt he stepped out into the world of so many possibilities. Mummy thought that I would howl my heart out when leaving him at the school…. but actually I was the most composed. I know why this happened, because I had my lil talk with Panu the earlier day where I spoke to him about the vastness that lay ahead of him accompanied by the amazingness! I had let go in that moment when he stuck to my chest and just heard me as if  he understood everything I said. Hanu on that hand, as I always knew would be the parent who cried at every milestone and quite profusely 🙂 It’s of course heart warming for me to see the love these two boys share amongst themselves. I have already told Hanu, that he is going to be the parent howling at all important milestones, while his mummy does the letting go in a slightly different way but feeling exactly the same thing.

My Panu,

You are the bravest boy ever. You were the most amazing lil fellow who just took to the school as if it was your playground for so long. Your quality of just migling with everything around you as long as you get to do your masti is amazing. Without any inhibitions. This is a quality no doubt inherited from your wonderful dad. He and I were so proud of you today, it can’t really be expressed. I spoke to you and I am sure papa also did about how this is the first step towards being independent, being yourself, making friends, knowing that a world exists outside of mamma and papa and the place that you call home. Its a step into the world  and my darling, you took that step so wonderfully. We all had our way of letting you go and that’s what we did, we let go of you  a little bit today. Trust me its the hardest and the most proud thing we have done so far. We will always be there to protect you and take care of you as that comes naturaly to your mad parents, but we also know that you need to experience so much more which we really can’t wait to happen. This journey is amazing for us as is for you. Thank you for giving this to us!

BTW, you looked amazingly handsome today. Love you

Mamma and Papa

Sounds that surround us – thanks to my Puttu

Panu is at an age where he reinforces his choices and then makes us follow them quite a few times! It helps that his music sense is amazing! He is sitting next to me right now and giving me kissis…

So, my hero, this post is dedicated to all your favourite songs which are fab by all standards!

He has been introduced to Mohit and this is by far his favourite since 3 days! Its top of mind and a must to start with..

and another one….

Panu says the word “hum” alot  – so he repeats it whenever its sung in the above and below nos.

Thanks KK for the wonderful songs, you have a huge fan here…

I dont know how, but we chanced upon this number and its an absolute favourite of his.

And of course some cartoon/nursery rhymes! (thank GOD)

Panu, you would do the most amazing ballet along with these girls… beat them anytime and I think this man taught you to dangle your legs when we sit on the stairs 🙂

I hope these and many more wonderful sounds surround us as you grow to be the handsome, intelligent and a man (!) with wonderful taste in music.

Love you and am always amazed by your brilliance,

Mama

Mamma’s lil handy man

I kept asking when will my lil boy become mamma’s lil handy man and get things & do things for her…. 🙂 The time might have arrived! Baby steps that is….

I asked my handsome to get me my mobile, just taking a chance and what have we here – a obidient son who goes to the mobile, picks it up and promptly brings it to his very very proud mommy! My lil fella is taking baby steps (oh my god, isn’t he himself a baby!) towards becoming mummy’s lil handy man.

Also, we have a deal my puttu – anytime I ask for a blop kissi I am get it promptly. This is our lil deal which to my surprise is turning out to be very effective. For all the blop kissis  you give me, my heart just melts in that moment and I feel so grateful to you for having chosen me as your mamma and giving me blop kissis! Keep going my darling and keep giving us lil pieces of heaven every day, all day.

Of course thanks, my lil handy man!

Love you,

Mamma.

Happily Random

As I sit here in my freshly (actually just moved around furniture) done up sitting room, with pictures on the wall of us all…. rearranged furniture to make it look more cosy and an empty house, as the boys have gone out for a walk, I feel at peace. Maybe it’s the silence, maybe its the feeling of change or maybe its just! Its nice…. I went to the mandir room and said “hi” to GOD. Told him/them to keep us healthy and get us a good maid! I can’t believe it’s also crept into my prayers! 🙂 I walked around the empty house, ran into the verandah twice to see them leave (!) and walked around a little more not knowing what to achieve… but just walked. I miss just wandering around in the house without a purpose or an objective. Should do it more often, maybe get some more alone time where I am not worrying, or thinking what next, or just thinking random things. Yes, maybe it will come in the very near future when this maid thing is sorted out and we can focus on all the other things I planned or am wanting to do in this off time.

 I had an awesome moment today when we got up – Panu looked straight into my eyes and told me in his own style, i love you mama. He then rolled around in the bed and hugged me, gave me one huge grin and then again looked straight into my eye. I even got a blop kissi early in the morning, before even getting out of bed – These are the things that keep me going amidst the confusion of days!

 I don’t know whether its coincidence or not, but whenever Hanu travels, I land up doing stuff to the house. Last time when he was returning from his trip, mummy and I bought curtains and got them altered and arranged, all in time of his arrival. And if I go to see it, it’s always the last day of returning when I start doing this. It’s my crazy way of just welcoming his back and telling him that I missed him – furnishing and decorating! Anyways, coming back to this time which was a very very short trip – 1 night; we managed to rearrange the entire living area, put up the wonderful (it’s a beginning to   of frames and personalizing the entire space!) frames, etc etc… all in time AGAIN!! He loved it but before him I also got approval from the little prince – He enjoyed himself because we have put down a small space for him – his very own gadda, the bookshelf is more accessible for him now and he has more curves to play chuk chuk gaadi! I love redecorating…

 I sadly can’t get myself to not call the camel Senthil – its the lip thing! Oh GOD why why….

 Had a lovely outing with Ma yesterday. She amazes me with her energy and I always say touch wood!  Had a club sandwich after ages.. not as great as the ones I would have from Mocambo but it came close enough. Of course the damn umbrella had everything beeping and us being eyed as terrorists! The poor umbrella was scrutinized

 …………and well the silence has ended. They all are back and thank GOD for that! I go back to playing car car… wow!

His library 🙂

Chuk chuk gadi

in house slide..

 

 

Senthil in the background

An almost blop

State of mind and more…

I’m confused…. happy, unhappy, mixed, anxious, impatient, trying to be patient…. the list probably goes on…. I am supposed to unwind, take it easy, feel and go with the flow! But am unable to do this… it feels almost as if I am sitting on a fence and looking at myself do and feel the way I am. Things are still not how they are supposed  to be!  So let’s ditch the thought that I am having for now and let me concentrate on what’s going good… What else, but my little fella and all the amazing things he does to pacify his over hyped, over thinking mother.

 We made our 2nd road trip with the prince sometime this month to Pondy – its a 6 hour drive from home. So bags were over packed (!), an electric cooker was bought to prepare his food at the resort… basically we were doing everything we did for the Mahabalipuram trip. It’s obvious that both hanu, nani and I were stuck in a time rut. Our fellow decided to surprise us by eating every meal – yes, every meal cooked by the chef themselves! So it was soup and bread, curd rice (thank GOD he likes curd), chikhdi, uppamma, and almost everything else that was a little bland. This much to our utmost delight and of course hanu kept saying that he has gone on me – bahar ka khana! Yeah…my baby! 

  

Dont miss the potty seat! 🙂

 

Sleeping peacefully like a doll with Adla

 It was a wonderful much-needed break – he still hasn’t warmed up to the sea as much as we would like but at least this time he did allow us to wet his feet in the water and didn’t cry his heart out! As long as he was in mamma or papa’s arms in the water, he was okay to go.  The city also was an amazing experience. This is the first place hanu and I have gone back to after having a baby – Yes it was different, but a different fun all together! We kept reminiscing about our last trip.  

 

 

 It was a very special trip. Hanu drove like a pro, panu was on his best behaviour, ma enjoyed her stay and tandoories and Simple relaxed with her baba! And me… it was a super time and I can’t wait for the next one. At least I have the flexibility now 🙂

When did you grow up…

It’s afternoon and Hanu is “working from home”, Adla is in the kitchen and Nani in the next room….. Panu sahab suddenly opens a book with nursey rhymes and turns a circle…. Adla figures out what he did! He saw “Ringa rings roses” in the book and reacted to it by enacting it… 🙂 Awwww my small baba is actually reading books and dancing to nursey rhymes all by himself…

***

Up the hill and down the hill is something we would hold his little finger and do. Many a times we tried leaving his little fingers but my small man would not venture out himself. We took him down a couple of days back and what do we see…. Our lil fellow goes up the hill himself and also comes down the hill himself 🙂 Stopping when he has to and moving forward when he has too… he’s making decisions himself and that too calculated ones! Awww….

***

He is downstairs with his cycle (Most of the days with ensuring enough excercise for Nani) all happy with Mama….. a car approaches from far. He stands up, moves aside and comes to mummy…. he knows its a car and that he is not supposed to be there, bang in the middle of the road… do I see some road sense already 🙂

***

He’s about to be given a maalish and mummy is almost struggling to keep him in the bed room… suddenly “All is Well” is heard playing on TV…. he stares into oblivion and immedaitely realises its a fimiliar song he loves… leaves me against my might and will in the bedroom and rushes to the TV 🙂 He always did recognize good music…. but from a distance, he knew immedaitely where to go. May I add, he waited till the song was over and then came back to mummy! Thanks for that… at least!

***

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7, 8…..long pause from mama/papa and then the lil fella says “noone” (with one long breathe from the nose) a smile follows and we conclude by saying Ten…  (again from the nose!)  – Do I assume he’s counting already! (Not really, tried and paused at 5 and still “noone” followed!)

***

When did my little puttu grow up to become my big boy!  

Mama & Papa is amazed by you our lil Panu… you keep growing, exploring, doing new things all so seamlessly…. God Bless You!

Started with the right thing! Wow….

It’s a dark room and mama and Simple Adla is trying to put the little puttu to sleep….. on demand singing is happening, primarily requested by the little puttu himself…. we are singing, and singing and suddenly he turns around and says “WOW” at the end of the song 🙂 Needless to say some “Awww” and “hugs” followed….. Our little one has started liking and expressing the good things in life… its of course apt that he started off with mummy’s song …..

Our small getaways…

Getaways….

A sunday morning ‘family’ breakfast…. where we are almost the child and or little panu is the parent!

Reverse parenting

Short drives ‘early’ in the night…..helps us be together: only the three of us and catch up. It helps that sometimes he also dozes off ;p

Us and our drives

Off to the pool (though we know that’s going to happen next after a long long time)

Or rides on bungy – maybe just circling the complex only

The bikers!

Our maybe some quite precious time…

🙂

And some really innovative ideas… primarily from panu

our gataways are small ways of just being with each other. There is still not enough of them around…. but that’s the fun, so that the getaways keep happening – both BIG and small………

Love our time together, no matter where, what and how.

When your heart walks outside of you…

When panu was inside me, we would get very excited to visit the doctor… one simple reason would be to hear ‘his’ heartbeat! It was an experience which cannot be replicated by anything else. I always had either hanu or mummy and at most times, both accompany me to the doctor. We would wait and then it was time to “hear the baby’s heartbeat”! What a wonderful feeling that was…. It was a time when I could protect my little one inside me and do all that was possible to ensure that he was not touched by anything…

Then he came and my heart was not inside me anymore!  He is walking, talking, laughing, crawling, running….. doing everything! But sometimes I so wish he can crawl back inside me where I can again protect him and not let anything touch him again…..!!!

My panu is not well from a couple of days. It has been terrible for hanu and me, but especially for panu. He has clung to me … stating in unsaid words “mama, do something, relieve me of this pain I am going through”… and I have just been able to hold him close to me and maybe in unsaid words told him “we are….. and all things will be fine soon”. I so wish I had control over how soon.. but no soon will be soon enough for my baby.

Hanu and me are growing up, we are learning to handle situations, continuing being a team, parenting, being each others support, crying when the other one is not looking… being strong for his sake and each other. We are doing well and thank god, we are how we are else I wouldn’t have been able to be half the parent I am.

I know there will be a million times in our lives as parents, when we would wish to just take away his pain, comfort him and make all things well so that our panu is the cheerful, superactive baby he so lovingly is… There will be a million times when our hearts will ache and pain to make things better and there will be a million or zillion times when I would want him to go back into my tummy so that I know that I am the one responsible, the one in control ….. to ensure that nothing happens to my little heart.

It’s a crazy mixed bag this parenting thing! But I am guessing that this is something we just have to go through and experience. We are parents afterall and signed up for this and so much more ….. ..well good stuff also, along with the some uncomfortable! 🙂

Get well soon our heart…….mama and papa